I went to the doctor, Rheumatologist, yesterday, and yes, I was in tears as they picked, and pushed and probed. He was very impressed that I had such good notes of my own for all the years, because the computer system was down in the VA, so they did documenting the old fashioned way, by writing, couldn't get a "diagnosis' due to I didn't have a copy of my most recent labs on me and they couldn't see them, so they want to see what the PCP ordered and rule out Lupus if they hadn't checked me for that, but said based on their exam, yes they, I had 3 doctors today at one time, said it sounded like Fibromyalgia, and they referred me to the "Fibro clinic" in the VA, which I did not know they had one, I actually already had the consult and appointment from my doctor, they just called it the Pain Clinic. So that appointment is for May 5th. God is good, I think the fact of me crying throughout the whole "exam" was evident and the fact that I couldn't "remember" anything on my own was convincing. When the main Rheumatologist came to touch me again, I gently told him, you do know that I am allowing you to touch me, because by now, I was crying like a baby. So, I finally made it home and laid down most of what was left of the day, extremely TIRED, my mama had to cook dinner, I couldn't. Laid down, but no sleep, no sleep last night.... Benadryl NOT working.
Stay vigilant in your hunt for what ails you. Do not give up, don't let them tell you it's in your head. There is a reason why you hurt and it needs to be found and then tenderly taken care of. WHen much else had given up on me, I let God command the ship in the dark horizon of my mental sea. It was not, is not, always easy but it comes first. I let myself fall apart. I let myself recover. I let myself question and seek answers. I give myself permission to inquire & question any doctor who's hand will touch me at any time. Stay strong. Gentle hugs. Tammy
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