Fleeting and Fastly Fading Friendships

I have been having "Pains" for as far back as I can remember, and I do know that upon every visit to the doctor, my pain level was 8-10. But over time and of being overlooked and dropped through the cracks when the Home Invader moved in and slammed me, I soon found out QUICK who was my real friends, and I learned the painful truth about Fleeting, and Fastly Fading Friends. When the pain became so overbearing to the point, I was going days without sleep, because whenever I would lay down, night or day, the pain would tap me in the back and remind me that it was still there, still active, and still awake.

Not really knowing what was going on with me, (go figure) and even got to the point, I felt like I was losing my mind, I couldn't remember things, the PAIN was/had taken over. When I finally mustered up enough strength to try to find out what was going on, all roads were leading to the Diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. I slowly began to tell friends, and as I told them, they slowly started to flee and fade away fastly.

Overtime, some of my friends, who I thought were really good close friends just quit calling, quit replying to my texts, my emails, my phone calls, well reluctantly, I quit too. It had become too much for me to keep up, because by now, it is like the water dams have broken and not only am I dealing with pain, I am dealing with a entourage of symptoms that has literally consumed me and exaperated all my STRENGTH.

There is a friend who has not faltered nor failed me. He has been there to wipe away the tears I cry at night, He is there to speak LIFE, HOPE and HEALING into my heart, my mind, my body, my spirit. He is always there. At first, for a brief moment, I took for granted that I didn't deserve His presence, His mercy, His grace, because surely, I did something to bring this on, and my Friend reminded me that His grace is sufficient and that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. So these days, when I have no one to rely on, no one to talk to... no one that "really" understands who I am and what I am dealing with, this ONE FRIEND, yet remains faithful and unfailing. I AM so grateful to have a friend like the Lord, a Friend who will never leave you, never forsake you, a friend who will be with me always, even to the very end.

I just believe that even in the confusion of all this pain, that on the last day of this life of mine, HE will be there holding me, and welcoming me into His eternal home, I see we embracing each other as friends, yet in love with each other, with a story in my eyes that simply said, "I kept the faith, I fought a good fight, had it hard, had to walk this road many times alone, clouded from my tears, but I kept the faith. Family turned on me, friends walked away without an understanding, but Jesus, Lord Jesus I kept the faith, then for one quick moment, I close my eyes just to reopen them in the New Jerusalem.
Jesus is a friend who has never, will never fail.

WedMD health assessment on my Fibro

You report that you have already had a doctor diagnose you with fibromyalgia and that you are taking prescription medication for the condition. If your pain has been reduced or eliminated, you should continue with the treatment recommended by your doctor. But if your pain is not well-controlled, your doctor may keep adjusting your treatment regimen to find a combination of medication and nonmedication therapies that work for you. Responses to treatment vary by person, and finding the right mix that eliminates or reduces your pain may take a few months. MEDICATIONS A wide variety of prescription medications are used to treat the symptoms of fibromyalgia. Although all of the prescription medications mentioned below have been studied in people with fibromyalgia, only three medications have been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) specifically for use in those who have fibromyalgia: Cymbalta (duloxetine), Lyrica (pregabalin), and Savella (milnacipran). *Analgesics. Although pain is a key symptom of fibromyalgia, certain types of analgesics, or pain relievers, have not been found effective, including some opioids, such as OxyContin (oxycodone) or Percocet (acetaminophen and oxycodone). The mild opioid Ultram (tramadol), with or without acetaminophen, has been shown to be effective for those with fibromyalgia. However, due to side effects and dependency issues, opioids should be used only when other medications and therapies have proven ineffective. Over-the-counter medications, such as acetaminophen and NSAIDs, may also benefit those with fibromyalgia. However, NSAIDs have been shown to be ineffective when used alone for fibromyalgia pain, which may be because fibromyalgia pain is not related to inflammation. * Antidepressants. Many people with fibromyalgia also suffer from depression. The relationship between the two is unclear. Depression may be due to fibromyalgia symptoms, such as chronic pain and fatigue. It may also be related to imbalances of the brain chemicals serotonin and norepinephrine, which are seen in both conditions. For many, taking an antidepressant often helps decrease the sense of pain. While Cymbalta (duloxetine) is the only antidepressant FDA-approved to treat fibromyalgia, others prescribed for people with chronic pain or depressed mood associated with fibromyalgia include Elavil (amitriptyline), Paxil (paroxetine), and Prozac (fluoxetine). While not an antidepressant, Savella (milnacipran) is approved for fibromyalgia and works much like an antidepressant by altering chemical imbalances in the brain. * Antiseizure Medications. Recent fibromyalgia research has found that altered function of the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord) may play a role in fibromyalgia symptoms. Antiseizure medications that act on the central nervous system have been proven to sustain pain reduction and improve sleep quality in people with fibromyalgia. Lyrica (pregabalin) is the only antiseizure medication approved for fibromyalgia, although Neurontin (gabapentin) is also used. * Muscle Relaxants. These medications help relieve painful muscle spasms. Muscle relaxants commonly used in people with fibromyalgia include Cycloflex (cyclobenzaprine), Flexeril (cyclobenzaprine), Norflex (orphenadrine citrate), and Soma (carisoprodol), and Zanaflex (tizanidine). * Sleep Medications. When pain prevents you from getting an uninterrupted night's sleep, your body will feel the effects, which may include memory loss, difficulty concentrating, a weakened immune system, weight gain, irritability, and an increased sense of pain. If you are waking unrefreshed due to poor sleep caused by fibromyalgia symptoms, your doctor may recommend over-the-counter or prescription medications to help with sleep such as Ambien (zolpidem), Lunesta (eszopiclone), or Sonata (zaleplon).Medications are just part of the treatment plan for people with fibromyalgia, however. Studies have also shown that exercise, patient education programs, and cognitive behavioral therapy can treat fibromyalgia. COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL THERAPY (CBT) Studies show that CBT, which adjusts maladaptive patterns of thinking, can be as beneficial for treatment of pain and depressed mood. Working with a therapist, you can learn how to overcome negative thoughts and to learn to focus on activities and thoughts that bring you pleasure instead. PATIENT EDUCATION CLASSES There is strong evidence showing that such classes, especially when combined with CBT and exercise, greatly help reduce some of the symptoms of fibromyalgia for three months to one year. In a patient education class, lectures, written materials, and demonstrations are used to teach people with fibromyalgia how to reduce their symptoms and maintain control of their condition.

WELL-BEING

Sounds like you are having a tough time. Your responses to several questions indicate that fibromyalgia significantly affects your life and health. That's understandable, but it's time for you to start feeling better more often by considering whether you are doing everything you can to help manage your fibromyalgia. Focusing on living a healthy lifestyle certainly can make a big difference in how you feel. EAT RIGHT AND LIGHT Everybody, regardless of health condition, should strive to eat a balanced diet in the right portion sizes. Optimal nutrition contributes to optimal health. The body simply works best when it gets the nutrients it needs through a wide variety of foods taken in moderation. EXERCISE A LITTLE EVERY DAY Aerobic exercise and muscle strengthening have been found to improve the ability to function, boost mood, and decrease fatigue. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, you should consider beginning an exercise program. However, do not start any exercise program until you have gotten your doctor's approval. You may experience mild-to-moderate muscle pain at first as the body adjusts, but the long-term benefits of sticking with exercise far outweigh any short-term discomfort you may experience. Some exercise may be less painful than others, such as walking or doing aerobics in a heated pool, although doctors suggest experimenting to find a program that you feel most comfortable doing. Eventually, you can gradually increase how often and how intense you exercise, so your body can benefit even more. KEEP STRESS IN CHECK The standard pace of life these days seems fast and furious, so slowing down to relax may feel like a waste of time. But it's not. In fact, finding time every day to slow down and take it easy is an extremely valuable part of a healthy lifestyle. Reducing stress reduces the intensity of pain. Simply sitting comfortably in a quiet room and breathing deeply can help. If you have trouble simply letting stress go, therapists can help you learn simple mind-over-matter techniques, such as guided imagery to visualize a calm place, progressive muscle relaxation to eliminate tension in the body, meditation, biofeedback, and even hypnosis. BE A SOCIAL ANIMAL It's true: People do need people. If you have a strong, supportive social network, tapping into it to visit friends or asking for help when you need it may help with some of your symptoms. Being connected to others has been shown to reduce pain and anxiety. One-on-one counseling, group counseling, and support groups also provide a place to vent about your frustrations, while receiving encouragement and coping techniques from others who may share similar symptoms.

If you are doing everything you are supposed to be doing and still suffering, then you should set up an appointment with your doctor to have your treatment plan re-evaluated. Perhaps it is time for a change in medication or medication dosage.

KNOWLEDGE

How much do you really know about fibromyalgia? See how your answers stacked up. You answered 5 of 5 questions correctly or 100 percent.


There are no blood tests that help to diagnose fibromyalgia. [TRUE] Fibromyalgia is a condition that affects mainly women, mostly between the age of 20 and 50. It is characterized by widespread pain and aching in the body, as well as fatigue, sleep problems, and morning stiffness. Blood tests cannot pinpoint the source of the pain or measure fatigue. Instead, doctors examine 18 specific tender points on the body. If a patient reports widespread pain (that is, in both the top and bottom of the body and on both the left and right sides) and experiences pain in 11 or more of the 18 tender points during a physical examination, a doctor may diagnose fibromyalgia. If a patient had previously been diagnosed with another significant condition, such as a rheumatic disorder like rheumatoid arthritis, and yet experiences widespread pain and pain in tender points, a patient may also have fibromyalgia.

Fibromyalgia does not shorten life span. [TRUE] Fibromyalgia doesn't directly decrease the quantity of years lived, but it can greatly impact the quality of them. Pain and severe fatigue can make keeping up with responsibilities at work and at home quite difficult, leading some people with the condition to file for disability. Fibromyalgia can make physical movements painful, so many people with the syndrome tend to limit exercise; some even develop a fear of physical movement. Ultimately, avoiding movement reduces fitness level and leads to a sedentary state, which can increase the risk for other health problems, such as obesity, heart disease, diabetes, or stroke. Although there is no cure for fibromyalgia, proper treatment can help improve the quality of life and help prevent further health problems that could shorten life span.

All doctors know how to diagnose and treat fibromyalgia. [FALSE] Diagnosing fibromyalgia can be tricky, and not all doctors are experienced in doing so. For many people with fibromyalgia, the doctor initially may suspect that symptoms, such as widespread pain, fatigue, waking unrefreshed, and headaches, are caused by another condition with overlapping symptoms. If you have been diagnosed with a condition that has the same or similar symptoms and your symptoms are not improving with treatment, talk to your doctor about the possibility of a fibromyalgia diagnosis.

People with fibromyalgia feel pain when they start to exercise, but they should continue to exercise anyway. [TRUE] Scientific studies show that when people living with fibromyalgia participate in a daily exercise routine, they have less pain and experience improved function. Talk to your doctor about your exercise regimen. Depending on your health and physical condition, some exercises may not be recommended. When beginning an exercise program, you may experience mild-to-moderate muscle pain as the body adjusts, but the long-term benefits exceed the short-term pain experienced. The key is to overcome exercise-related pain, along with any fear of pain exercise might cause, by preparing the body for exercise and finding an exercise program that you feel comfortable doing. And some exercises may be less painful than others, such as walking or doing aerobics in a heated pool instead of walking or doing aerobics on land. You should speak with your doctor for help finding the right exercise routine for you.

Strong narcotics, such as Lortab (hydrocodone) or Percocet (oxycodone) are recommended for the pain of fibromyalgia. [FALSE] Narcotic opioid pain relievers, such as Lortab (acetaminophen and hydrocodone), OxyContin (oxycodone), or Percocet (acetaminophen and oxycodone), are not recommended for treating fibromyalgia pain simply because they don't work for many people who have the condition. A study from the University of Michigan helps explain why. Researchers there found that the opioid receptors in the brains of people with fibromyalgia have a decreased ability to bind and therefore less of a chance for medications targeting those receptors to ease fibromyalgia pain. The study also found that people with fibromyalgia and depression had the least available opioid receptors, making pain relief even more challenging. Because researchers have learned more about how fibromyalgia affects the central nervous system (brain and spinal cord), they have found that anticonvulsants (antiseizure medications) are helpful. These medications include Lyrica (pregabalin), which has been FDA-approved for fibromyalgia, and Neurontin (gabapentin). Both work directly on the brain and spinal cord to reduce the production of pain signals. These medications not only ease pain but also decrease fatigue and help patients get more refreshing sleep, which also helps improve symptoms.


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The Quilt

As I faced my Maker at the last Judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with the other souls. Before each of us laid our lives, like the squares of a quilt, in many piles.

An Angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that was our life.

But as my Angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares were. They were filled with giant holes! Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in everyday life. I saw hardships that I had endured, (which were the largest holes of all).

I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Others had a tiny hole here and there, other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune.

I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened. My Angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air. Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light and the scrutiny of truth. The others rose each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been.

My Angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise. My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, death, and false accusations that took from me my world as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I had spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully; each time offering it up to the Father, in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me. And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it had been.

I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with eyes wide. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded through the many holes, creating an image.

The face of Christ.

Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said,

"Every time you gave over your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles. Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.

Welcome Home My Child"

Author "Unknown"

Feeling raped

Today, I had to visit the doctor recommended by the Social Security. I am not sure how one 15 minute break would give him the qualification to determine my eligibility of disability, but I left his office, feeling as I had been raped. No he did not touch me, just the 'feeling' of helplessness. Called my own Social Worker, because I am having such a hard time getting through to the X ray department for the Xray of my heart and carotid arteries, only to find out the PCP I thought I got rid of back a few months ago, she is still my PCP, just been letting her interns see me, after speaking with the nurse in the Pain Clinic was told that she "the quack doc" was notified back in May, so here I sit in all this pain all this time, called also to patient affairs to find out why she is still my PCP and NO response from them. I am really trying NOT to go to the hospital to handle this............................. Another Fibro day from hell, migraine, stress, back aching, foot rash and needing to be removed!!!, Neck and shoulders in spazms, it can't get no worse, or can it.

Another Flare Day

Today is Sunday, July 3, 2011 and as I lay awake early this morning, ready to get up but scared to move because even now, with having done nothing to invoke pain or fatigue I am already feeling it, and my feet have not yet hit the floor. For some strange reason, we know when it's gonna be another day, like that day. Called the Flare Day.

Frustrated, I don't just GET up because I am already stiff and sore and tired. I went to bed, stiff, sore and tired just a few hours ago. I don't just GET up, I can't just GET up, I have to roll out the bed, and roll very slowly. And here it is yet an hour up and already tired, already hurting. Wanting to go to church, but church has to once again come to me. Just thinking of what to wear is wearing me down. (Thank God for the simple Black Dress, every woman should have a plain black dress) So it is not so much as what to wear, but having the STRENGTH to even get dressed. At best, I slowly get down the stairs and retreat once again to the rocker.

Listening to the first sermon and hearing this pastor speaking of the believer who stopped going to church has started going down, and I must disagree with him, because when health fails and no one seems to care... It's hard to get up and go, the Woman with the Issue of Blood for twelve years (Mark 5:25) needed help and had none, had spent ALL she had, was refused social security and because of her issue was denied fellowship, she was alone day after day, year after year in another flare, til she heard HE was coming. Things kept getting worse before they got better.

Physically I feel and am caught in another Flare, yes, you can tell it's gonna be one of those days, BUT Spiritually, I feel like a giant ready to Press, Push, Persevere and Touch the hem of His garment.
Have a super day, Flare or not, pain or not~

The Toothpick Theory

Since being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia a few weeks ago, I have noticed a decline in any interactions with most of my friends and family, mostly due to the part of MY constant pain. I have one friend who has stuck beside me through all of puzzlement of Fibromyalgia, but while yet still not understanding fully what my day entails. I have told her of the Constant Pain, the Fatigue and the Fog, yet still I don't think she understand, I even have shared the Spoon Theory which was written by Christine M, a lady with Lupus, with her as well as many many others.

But with Fibromyalgia, because of the PAIN, I needed a visual to really hit home to a point where she, as well as others and doctors would understand. Then God gave me the "Toothpick Theory". Now, I normally keep toothpicks in my purses, and sometimes, I forget they are there and upon reaching for something in a different purse (because I changed purses almost daily), and because my bags were so HUGE, I would always get "stuck" by a toothpick. It was a reminder to me that the toothpick was unsuspecting and yet painful. The toothpick is a constant reminder of the pain, sometimes, I am aware and more cautious, however there are those times when the pain is so great, the FOG is so thick, that I forget the toothpicks is in my purse/pocket. Imagine getting up in the middle of the night for some water, I say, only to find a toothpick in the dark lodged in the carpet. Although you are stuck either in the finger, hand or foot, the pain ravishes through your whole body. All the while verbalizing that she understands as I am explaining what this pain that is consuming me is doing to me, to my life as I knew it.

If you are like me, you carry several toothpicks and I am guilty, but I do sometimes use a toothpick and toss it back in my bag, only to get stuck again by it. Now in looking at the toothpick in relationship to the Fibromyalgia disease that affects some 10 million people, mostly women who are in their prime of life, and is even attacking women now, in the younger years and a few men.

Imagine, I tell my friend with this Invisible question mark of confusion on her forehead, having a BOX of toothpicks in your hand, that you are conscious of holding onto, you know one thing: You are in pain and your pain is connected to the toothpicks, PAIN we will call Fibromyalgia, even if you put them down or toss them, the fact still remain, the PAIN is on your mind, and you try to be careful not to repeat what you have done that caused THAT pain, whatever it may be, but because the pain is coming so rapidly, you have no idea WHAT, WHEN or WHERE it really originated from, that alone consumes several toothpicks because you are experiencing PAIN, all the time. Now what if each toothpick is assigned to a body part, a muscle, a fiber, a tendon, a bone, a joint, every fiber of your being? You may not get attacked by all the toothpicks at once, but there are days when you are unsuspecting, you get attacked by several at once. The toothpick may produce pain in your back, your hips, your knees, your arms, your hands, your legs, your thighs, any and everywhere. Your head, neck and shoulders usually go hand in hand. You are hurting so bad, so much, that you are losing sleep and can't get up and move around to even go to work by now, because everything hurts!

You have a toothpick for constipation and IBS, a toothpick for chestpains. There is another for the itching of your skin and the sensitivity of just wearing light clothing. You have a toothpick poking you for the rash on your foot that won't go away, and a toothpick for your migraine. There is a toothpick that is assigned to outburst of crying because you really don't know what is going on in and with your body and one for the FOG that is poking your thought and reasoning process and yet another toothpick POKING you because you have started having little flashes of lightening rushing through your brain, that you now are being tested to see if you have had any TIA's also known as MiniStrokes. As she asks and I explain to her what a stroke is, it is in being when your brain is not receiving oxygen, or maybe a blood clot that burst. I asked her if she remember her son being born without receiving oxygen and the effects it had on him, and how it affected his speech and thought pattern, yet he is still able to function as an otherwise "normal" person, and she said yes, I said, that is what a Stroke does, it affects your speech, so sometime the pain is so intense we know what we want to say, but have trouble saying it or lose our thought in the middle of a conversation.

You have a toothpick that is causing you to have dry eyes from out of nowhere and a JAW that is constantly Clenched. You have several toothpicks that has somehow broken and with their jagged edges their name is called STRESS, and it is taking you through a metamorphosis, because now it is affecting your attitude, your mood, you are slowly getting more and more depressed, even to the point of hopelessness, it is causing your blood pressure to rise, feelings of having a heart attack and even some anxiety, and this is only the beginning. You may have gotten rid of the toothpicks, but the truth of the matter is there are some you have overlooked, you willed them to be gone, you prayed for the pain to go away, but there is still some attached to you. And even though you were a Professional or maybe even A Minister, a Bible Study Teacher, PAIN still came and God did not remove it, but rather told you that there was a Purpose for YOUR pain.... These toothpicks attacks Nurses, Preachers, Teachers, Mothers, Students, Men, Women and some Children, Golf Players, Social Workers, Pharmacists, Actresses, and even Doctors just for beginners.

Then you have family and friends, some who tell you to just take some supplements or vitamins or get up and exercise and you will feel better, or they offer their unsollicited advise of what will work or what will cure THIS, even though there is no cure, and they have not walked ONE day in THIS kind of pain, BUT because you don't have the strength or energy that the PAIN has sucked out of you, you don't even offer a rebuttal, you can't. Toothpicks! Because they say things, THAT HURT! They tell you to pray when the truth is you never STOPPED praying. They tell you that you don't look sick and THAT, is a toothpick in your eye, because this time, it's your doctor, or a toothpick in your heart, because your own family telling you, it's all in your head. But they never stopped to realize, you are holding toothpicks because you haven't seen or talked to them in months, because the PAIN has driven you to a place of seclusion and isolation. Toothpicks! To my friend I say, everything that now affects me be it physically, emotionally or spiritually is like being stabbed with toothpicks in every part of my body, everyday, all day. And though I can pull one out another emerges with another name, another diagnosis. For some reason, one pain surrenders while another runs rampant through my body.

Toothpicks have caused me to decline working, even though I am still of workable age, toothpicks have caused me to apply for Social Security way too soon, and/or foodstamps, Toothpicks has stopped me from going to church regularily, because people want to hug, and HUGS HURT. Toothpicks has caused me to have to refuse the family reunion, the Sunday dinners, most activities that involve a lot of walking or thinking, toothpicks has caused me everything.... But has increase my Hope, my Faith and my Trust in God, who is Bigger than this monster.

I pray that those who are suffering with Fibromyalgia, or any other debilitating illness that preludes with unrelenting pain, you can use this to explain the type of Pain you experience every day, all day, because there is no cure and the treatments offered may work today, they may even work for awhile, but at the end of the day, you are STILL in pain and it is not guaranteed to keep working, and although some treatment worked for someone else, it may not ever work for you.

@Veronica "Pinki" Moore, 2011

This past week

It has been a few days since I really have posted on my personal journey with this FibroMonster. Have since received D Day#2 which came back with a verdict of Major Depression and had to go to the hospital the other day, it took allllllll day long for two appointments. Put on antibiotics for the H pylori which is an infection in my stomach lining that no doubt has been there for years, unknowing to me until I picked up the meds, she, who happened to be a "new" doctor that I would see for this one time only, had ordered Flagyl, I don't like Flagyl, it makes me sick, it has this nasty metallic taste. The other wonderful meds are Omeprazole, Amoxicillin and Clarithromyacin.... Not to mention, doctor #2 for the day, had her prescription orders as well, Serequel and something else to help me sleep peacefully.

Went out today to run about two errands and to get some food, while in the store from out of no where, my legs just LOCKED up and started screaming in pain, so I quickly as I could made my way back home, and once home, it was pretty much spending the rest of the afternoon and evening in the rocking chair. Even as the night wore on, my knees were like on fire and screaming in pain. The pain that is running down my back is like a knife searing through my every muscle, bone and joint. My hands and feet feel ablaze and I am tired, but I know the moment I lay down, my eyes will open wide and the thoughts in my mind will start the race again.

I never did get around to any of the writing that I wanted to do, planned to do, for you see, with Fibromyalgia, the plans are constantly being changed and rearranged. I look at young and vibrant people on line, in movies, dancing, acting, living.... and I remember, that use to be me. Wondering how this could happen to me, I remember crying myself into a deep sleep at least twice this week, BEGGING God to take me, because I just could not do this anymore. This pain is relentless. This is the weekend for the 4th of July, but can't even plan for celebration, at best, to have a day FREE from pain.