Sometimes in life we find ourselves sitting in our rooms with nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one to talk to, no one to understand, everything has changed around us and people expect you to recover with a tylenol, Tramadol, Vicodin or antidepressants, some exercise, more prayer or by taking vitamins. They want you to PUSH yourself to get up because NO body can sleep, whine, complain THAT much about pain. But for me, for the millions like me who have been stripped of life, to live looking out the door of their room, it is so.
Our get up and go has gone, our crystal clear thoughts and quick decisions that we once made is now clouded by the FOG and a memory deficit that comes at lib. We wonder, we search, we hope, we pray for the cure, yet we go unheard. Friends abandon us and those who remain, we find ourselves always telling them about the Monster that has moved in, the HOME INVADER, the VICIOUS INTRUDER called Pain. The creature who stole life and livelyhood, dreams and jobs, careers and schooling, the monster that stole my childs mother, my husbands wife or vise versa.... the creature which cannot be seen, but if given a closer look, you can see the Invisible Monster is anything but, just look at our faces and you will see the residue of pain, or in the way we sit, or sit ever so easily, the way we grimace or moan just silently enough so as not to disturb you.
You will see we have withdrawn, we don't attend any functions and if we do, it is days before we surface again afterwards. We don't complain, because family and friends have told us we complain too much or that we don't LOOK sick... So we retreat, we take refuge in our room and look for the cure, look for hope, look for an answer, we look for YOU. One who claimed their undying love for us, that like Peter, when our life hit the place of Gethsemane we find, yet through it all, we sit in our room, our purple room, alone and looking, in pain, in the FOG with questions no one can answer....
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